


cut it off, cut it out

by transcap



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Canon Universe, Flashbacks, Memories, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, i guess? it's there. if you look closely., i really don't know how to tag this one guys, might add more tags later if i think of any
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 09:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20812616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transcap/pseuds/transcap
Summary: “Are you gonna cut that mess on top of your head, or are you tryin’ to look like you live out on the streets?”(i don't know how to summarize or title things!)





	cut it off, cut it out

Memories resurface seemingly at random, sometimes. This time, he can’t tell if it’s a dream, or if it’s a memory so intense that he’s stuck in a flashback and he’s staring blankly at a wall. Either way, it feels like he’s just there to watch, observe, as the memory unfolds in front of him, just mere feet away.

There’s a man standing in a small washroom, in front of a mirror and dirty sink while he scratches at his stubbly jaw. His hair is a mess, a little longer than it usually is in these memories. Leaning against the door frame to the washroom is a shorter, skinny, blonde man, and he’s pushing his bangs out of the way of his blue eyes, lips pursed.

It doesn’t take him long to recognize that man as Steve. After he realizes that, he then realizes the other man must be himself. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that used to be him at all. They look the same, sure, but this man lived a different life. He carries himself differently and smiles a lot more. Talks differently, too.

“Are you gonna cut that mess on top of your head, or are you tryin’ to look like you live out on the streets?” The words come out of Steve’s mouth, and when he looks more closely, he can see that there’s a warmth in his eyes and a smirk on his lips.

“Stevie,” he hears himself say — the man in front of him. The one still scratching at his jawline. “You don’t like my look? I think it’s great. Really enhances my, you know, _everything_.” Bucky turns to Steve then and spreads his arms wide while a cheeky grin settles on his lips.

Steve merely rolls his eyes and slaps him on the chest with the back of his hand. “Don’t be takin’ words outta my mouth, Barnes.” The smaller man steps forward, hips swaying slightly. The brunet keeps his eyes locked on him, brows raised. “But it wouldn’t hurt ya’ to clean up a bit.”

Then Steve is raising his arm and pushing a few locks of hair out of Bucky’s eyes with his hand.

(He tries to ignore how he — _himself_ — leans into the touch. It makes his heart speed up, and it makes something hot spark to life deep in his stomach. He craves to be touched like that again.)

“Mmm,” Bucky hums, and then turns back to the mirror, lips pressed into a line and brows pinched together. “Guess you’re right about that one, pal. Gotta look presentable for Dorothy, Helen, Mary, and…” He trails off with a big smile when Steve smacks his bicep with a roll of his eyes.

“Now you’re just braggin’, Buck.”

“What! It’s true. If I walk out lookin’ like this, no one will spare me a glance. I just might have to get desperate— drop to my knees and grovel.”

Steve shakes his head, and then he’s reaching around his friend to grab the clippers off the edge of the sink.

“C’mon, you big lug. Sit down and let me fix you up.”

He holds the clippers in one hand, and places his other hand on his hip and raises a brow at Bucky while he waits for him to follow the order.

Bucky just shakes his head, which causes the hair to fall in front of his blue eyes again. “Alright, if you insist. Be my guest, Stevie.”

The memory fades out then, and when he comes to, he realizes he’s standing in the bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror. The reflection looking back is more familiar, one he's used to, but he can’t help but focus on how his hair is so long.

He takes in a deep breath to steady himself. The memories always leave him feeling out of sorts — that one especially did. Those sort of memories leave him feeling sad and aching for a life that’s long gone now. A life that was torn away from him.

Bucky sets his jaw, and before he can think, before he can think _rationally_ about it, he grabs a pair of scissors out of the bathroom drawer. With his left hand, he grabs a handful of hair. A second passes, and then he’s raising the scissors and cutting it. The sound of the blades slicing through the hair is scratchy but ultimately satisfying.

He keeps cutting and cutting until the sink and floor is covered with long strands of hair. When he stops, his eyes are wide, and his right hand is trembling slightly. His reflection resembles the man he saw in the memory, but at the same time… it makes a smile tug at his lips. Of course, the cut isn’t perfect, and he’ll need it fixed up later, but it… feels great.

He just cut away another thing he was forced to have. This is another decision he made for himself, and it fills him with an indescribable feeling.

As Bucky sets on cleaning up the mess he made, he can’t stop himself from glancing at himself in the mirror a few times; his smile growing a little more every time he sees his new hair.

There’s also a small bit of excitement in his chest when he thinks about showing Sam and Steve.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if it ended a little weird! i don't normally know how to end things... but thank you for reading! this is my first time posting something stevebucky related, but i should really post some more because i've been writing for these two since 2014.
> 
> p.s. - bucky is a gay man. i know it's not important for what i wrote here, but i wanted to mention it because he talked about impressing the ladies. he's saying all that to keep up appearances.
> 
> and while i'm here, steve rogers is trans ;) 
> 
> find me on twitter and tumblr @barnesrogcrs!


End file.
